Life Happens

I have not forgotten about my blog and my purpose. Nothing has been put on hold even though the entries have not come through for a time. 

Sometimes life events halt you in your tracks. Your life alters courses for short or long periods of time. Life just happens and you have to decide to jump on the roller coaster. I had to jump on my roller coaster. And to be honest, it was much too painful to write about at the time. I needed to pause. I needed to just feel and live and soak in the moments. 

And I suppose, that is one more lesson in understanding and accepting my journey for what it is, the journey I need. I have needed to share so much up until this point. I will continue to, for there has been so much healing in it. But I also acknowledge that I needed some time. I needed a step back. My processing and healing journey needed to look a little different this past month. And for once in my life, I am actually so very grateful I did what I needed, instead of what I thought I ought to do. 

There is so much to say. And I will be saying it over the next entrees as best as I can. I lost a soul dog. A heart dog. My true shadow. And it is one of the most difficult things I have ever faced in this life. And likely something you; reader, have faced before. I wish it on no one ever in this lifetime, and yet, in order to establish such a heart/soul connection, it is a part of the process. 

It has been an honor to love Emma; my baby so thoroughly and completely and know that I was her person. It will be one of the best titles I have ever held in this life - being her momma. And I am completely devastated at losing my baby. And through my tears, my screams out to the world, my pleas for her to come back, I will do my best to share her with you. I will try and do her justice, though no page on a keyboard will ever do that little girl justice. She takes up an entire sky. 

I needed her more this past month than I needed to write it all out. I needed to hold her. I needed to cuddle with her. I needed to spend as much quality time with her as I was able. That's what I needed to do. That's how I needed this next month of healing and working on myself to go. I needed to collect as many sand pebbles in the hour glass as were going to fall. 

There will be more to come. As I can. I am a lost momma right now.