Remember Who You Are

Not every time will what has worked for you in the past be what works for you in the future. You are a different person today than you were…even yesterday. But I would be foolish not to consider things that have helped me heal in the past. If nothing else, they are good reminders. And maybe, in creating this list, it has helped me remember who I am and what I have been though. Sometimes remembering my strength helps me when I am feeling scared and lost and lonely and broken. 

Years ago, I moved out of my house, left an 11 year relationship and moved into a 1 bedroom apartment. I felt like my life had zero purpose. I felt like I failed. I felt like I didn’t have a future ahead. 

Things that helped me recover:  

• Law and Order - believe it or not, living once more by myself after 11 years I got sucked into binging Law and Order. 

• Walking - Whenever I couldn’t sit still, which ended up being a LOT of the time at the beginning I would go walking, often 4 or 5 times a day. 

• Dancing - I would just put on 45 min. Of high energy songs and dance in the middle of my apartment that was empty of furniture. I danced like noone was watching - and noone was. 

• Taking bubble baths - The apartment I had moved into had a tiny tub that was not ideal for taking a bath. But I did it anyways. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but it did help comfort me. 

• Reading or Listening to audible books - it was so helpful to get out of my own head. It also helped me in my lonely moments not feel so completely alone. My book characters became something to focus on when I needed a break of focusing on my own life. 

• Facing my fears eventually - trying something new - I had always wanted to rock climb, but it was something that scared me because I thought I would be so terrible at it. But I showed up one day and it helped me find a new passion as well as build community. 

• Getting a solid workout routine in - Vain as it may sound, I had a huge fear of not being physically appealing to someone new. And recovering from my past relationship and thinking about someone new brought out those insecurities. Working out not only helps my mental, but it does help me feel more confident in myself. 

• Talking to my Mom - just letting someone in to my darkness and my feelings helped make them seem less heavy. 

• Crying - I did so much of it. And each time it was this release of emotions. 

• Created a plan to work towards - Eventually, when I was ready I started to think through and create mentally a life after him and what that could look like. That allowed me to start filling in the steps of how to get there. 

  • I bought a house

  • I left my previous job

  • I started doing more hobbies/activities I always wanted to do but didn’t because he wasn’t as interested in those things. 

• I lite candles every day - the smell was so soothing and it helped me cope with the change in environment. 

• I bought myself flowers for the first few months weekly

• I started to get waxed - it felt like taking back control of being single again and wanting to do something I would never have done in the relationship. 

• I created an autopilot routine the first 2 months of moving out and leaving him - it gave me something to do so I didn’t have the anxiety of not having anything to do but not needing to put in a lot of effort to create something to do. 

• I wrote to “my future husband” when I felt the darkest and most lonely - there was comfort in thinking about a future that I would eventually be looking back at these moments thinking…keep going girl. It gets better. 

This time around things have been different. I am not at a place in time where I am looking back yet. I am still riding the pain and battling to move through it. I cling to a new year for a new beginning. I have taken steps to try and give myself something to look forward to, something to take with me out of this darkness. And right now, that is all I can ask for. That is just where I am at. Still trying. Still not giving up. Trying to figure out what I need. 

What are ways you have healed? When did you have to be strong? What are things you can look back at and recognize your ability to overcome, to heal, to move through? Sometimes, the reminders of who we are, are reflected in the past. And sometimes, we just need to remember.